The Preparations

There are times when at one point, one event will change your whole life. For me, many events have shaped my life and made me as who I am today. But later this year, there will be another defining event that will definitely open a new chapter in my life : getting married.

Yes, getting married. It is not as easy as I thought it should be. I mean, you have so many preparations and as of now, I think I'm only half done with what I'm supposed to do. I already got the money ready, the gifts, the venue and some other things. But of course that is only the tip of the iceberg. I have never realized that you got so many things to do before you can actually get married. Isn't it better if we can just go to the Islamic Department and have our solemnization and done with it? That would be easier I guess.

So some of my friends and colleagues already know that I am getting married end of this year. So hopefully they bring LCD TV 40 inch with them as gifts can come to my wedding. Hehe. Of course, there would be situations where you would get advice from married people, such as how to organize my wedding, where to do the HIV test, where to go for my honeymoon and stuffs. But I guess there are two advice that would be special to me as it is related much to what should be done once I get married.

A colleague of mine, a woman in her 40s, told me first thing that I should do to prepare myself is not to have big houses, big cars or even a lavish wedding. The thing that I should do is to always read the Quran, An-Nisa specifically. Oh, it must be so that I can understand women better, right? I answered, trying to be a smart ass, remembering some of the verses from the surah. No, she said, it is so that you can lead your wife better. It struck me, that once I'm married, I'm responsible of whatever that my wife does, that it is not enough just to take care of myself, I must also remember I have someone else who would depend on me, that I'm going to be the leader of the family, the leader of my wife. Remember, she continued, not only that you would have to read it, you must also understand what the surah actually means. Read the translation too, she reminded me.

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, Take not the least bit of it back: Would ye take it by slander and a manifest wrong? And how could ye take it when ye have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?

An-Nisa: 19-21

Of course, when people read the surah, some men would know that it talks about how men are allowed to get married to one women, that polygamy is OK in Islam. But what many opt to ignore is that it also talks about to be fair to your wife(s), to treat them well, not just to see the bad in them while ignoring the good in them. I mean, of course no one can be a perfect partner, but at least with some effort, we can work it out. No one says that marriage is like a bed full of roses. In fact, it is like someone who has a cat as a pet, sometimes the cat would shit on the bed. But would you just let it stay there and not making an effort in cleaning it? How many men would say thank you to his wife when she cooks for him? Or how many women would actually ask if the husband is tired after a day of hard work, being the breadwinner of the family? Appreciation would go a long way in making each other happy.

A few days ago, I met a friend of mine, who just got married last year. A good man, he is, I have known him for 7 years now. He told me, when you get married, the most important thing that you should do is to have more knowledge about the religion compared to your wife. As the leader of the family, the husband should be able to say what is right and what is wrong, but of course it must be based on something, and in this case it should be based on what guides them, the religion. Somehow I remembered about an interview of this old man, who was asked, what is the secret that he is still together with his wife after all these years? Always solat together, he answered firmly, with the husband as the imam and the wife as the makmum. To think of it, there might be some truth there. How can you be a leader of the family if you can't even lead your wife in solat?

Ahhh, so many things to be considered now. I guess I need to prepare more for my marriage life too, not just in getting married. Looking at the current circumstances, it is not getting married that worries me, it is staying married that worries me more.

A day for teachers and students.

I love teaching. Yes, I really do. At least it is something where I would have some idea of what is actually going on. After few years of teaching, I know to be a good teacher is not easy, there are so many things that should be done by teachers and every Teacher's Day, these teachers would be appreciated for the hard work and long hours that they have put in.

Appreciation. Yes, that tingling feeling of knowing that you actually have done something right.

Some teachers really deserve to be appreciated. They have dedicated their life in ensuring that their students will be someone better later. And believe me, that is not very easy especially when you see the type of students that we have nowadays. But how about the students? Are they being appreciated enough?

After few years of teaching, what I can say is that some of our local teachers have a really hard time of appreciating their students' work. A simple good is enough, but wonderful is much better. Students need motivation and by giving comments like this, teachers are actually helping the students to do better next time.

When I was 13 years old, my English teacher put up my essay for the whole class to read. Of course, there were mistakes here and there but she encouraged me to write more and I felt appreciated when she said 'Good job Syafiq'.

Yes, those words might not mean much to a teacher, but they surely do for students who might just need a little push to break from that mental barrier and actually strive to do better and I must say, those words surely had an impact on me.

So for tomorrow's Teacher's Day, don't forget to appreciate your students too, teachers. Happy Teacher's Day.

And no,it is not haram. I've checked.

The Journey

" So, you are a little subdued now?" My friend asked me.

"Yeah, I guess." I said.

The new semester has just started, it is in its third week now. So while going to the classes, you tend to bump into students who you have not met for a while. Of course, they would say hi, we had a chat for a while before we move on to our classes. Some of them said that they are already in their last semester, which surprises me actually. I still remember going into their class when they were in their first semester, which just shows how time passes by so quickly.

Some of my students from the previous semester also gave me a thank you card because they have passed their exam. Not that I crave for it, but it is a good gesture, being shown some appreciation after all those months of hard work. Of course, in teaching, you are not supposed to expect any rewards from the students, enough that they do well in their studies. But still, I like it. They are my good students anyway, I have always known that they would pass.

Which also reminds me to how I was when I was still a student, doing my degree. I just can't imagine how naive and easy-going life was back then. And also all the wild experiences that you had when you are a student. Surely beats working life, any time of the day. I have always enjoyed my study years and I just hope that my students enjoy theirs too. Some people are too affixed to what you can get from your studies; the degree, the scroll and all that, while forgetting the most important part, the journey in getting those things, which I won't trade for anything in this world.

Simplified Life

I have just started using Twitter a couple of months ago. It was not exactly planned, just to update the Dramatic Durian website actually. But it led me to using the Twitter now, though it is just an occasional thing. Not that I am going to tweet non stop like what I see some other people are doing.

 The most obvious thing that I realize from using Twitter is that its limited words is not something that I really prefer. Hence mostly what I do is just reading other people's tweet rather than writing my own. Being someone who teaches language, writing in point forms or not elaborating my points is not something that I would want my students to do. There have been instances where my students would write their academic writing essays in point forms, which is just downright blasphemy for me. Might as well use SMS language for their essays then. Somehow I feel like due to the technology, we tend to simplify everything, that we have become too lazy to even read a book, thinking that it would take so much of our time.Technology also plays a part where it makes us having a short attention span, especially towards doing something like reading. We are so attached to technology that we can't seem to get enough of it, which I feel I am kinda guilty for that part too. My friends and I even have an agreement not to use the phone at all during the lunch sessions but to talk to each other. Like a normal person. Like what we used to do back in the good 'ol days.

 We are so caught up in all these stuffs that we might have forgotten that we should be the one controlling the technology, not the other way around.

That Small Deeds

Field Trip USA was on the tv last night. It is that tv show where they bring some Malaysian students to the US as exchange students. It is quite good that they offer some kind of different perspective to our local students as they can learn a lot about the culture of the people there. One of the exchange student even said that he likes the teachers there as they are different in their approach compared to Malaysian teachers. His favourite teacher there is a Social Studies teacher because the teacher likes to crack jokes and is like a friend to him. That is not actually surprising as even I, who is teaching right now, would like to have a teacher who understands me, rather than dictating what should and should not be done. Then I also read an article which discusses the impact that a teacher has on the students. The encouraging teachers who always say the right thing at the right time, who do not condescend the students whatever their capabilities might be, who have that little sprinkle of trust dust which would help the students to be confident of themselves, no matter how insignificant they might seem. So I tried to recall those teachers who have shaped me to be who I am today

Primary School : Cikgu Badariah - my Mathematics teacher who was very fierce but actually meant well. Teachers nowadays don't do things like she did back then. You don't do your work, be prepared to be pinched until it leaves a mark. Haha. Though I am not exactly a fan of Mathematics, I somehow realized that I like being calculative and technical even in my language works.

Secondary School : Miss Umi Kelsom - When you only have one English teacher for that 5 years of secondary school, you know that somehow, sooner or later, you would bond with that teacher. And I did, I have always liked being in her class as I would sometime escape some sort of punishments while my friends did not. Haha. She managed to make me love English and trusted me when other teachers did not. You surely can't ask more than that.

University : Madam Sri Hariaty - There was this time when we had a group work and have to write articles. For my article, I wrote something about the elements in water. Once the work was submitted, one of my friend from another class told me that she complimented my work in front of the other class and said that my work was good and I could be a writer for a magazine or something like that. Though I am not exactly a writer now, I feel that that recognition motivated me to write more and not to give up on writing. Though she did not say it directly to me, I will always remember how it affects me in my writing.

To have these teachers who have influenced you and helping you to be who you are right now is really a blessing. So last week when a student of mine gave me a letter, I was not expecting the things that she wrote in it.



Yes, she spelled my name as Sayfiq. Haha. I can't exactly remember when I said this to her but I am almost certain that I was joking. I was not expecting this letter at all as I would just say something without trying to preach or nag them. But I am honoured that at least what I said has some impact on them. At least she likes going to my class and enjoyed it. That is one thing done right by me. Haha. So being an educator is more than just teaching, it is leaving an impact on the students and helping them to improve. It is more than helping them to learn what is in the syllabus but to learn about life as well. That is not exactly an easy ride but that is something that I am willing to do.

While We Celebrate.

Today is Raya Aidilfitri. Selamat Hari Raya to everyone. It is also a day to celebrate and do good deeds. But while we have fun and visit our loved ones, just remember that there are those who are not able to indulge in the lavish activities that we are used to. Some people even have to resort to living in toilets.

Early this year, the night before Chinese New Year, I was sipping my teh tarik at the usual mamak stall in front of my house when I saw a Chinese family, a mother with her two daughters, eating roti canai when they should be having their big dinner.The mom just watched her daughters sharing a cup of water with one roti canai. It made me realise that poverty is not restricted to certain people when actually it covers some percentage of people in Malaysia, no matter who they are. There are always some people who need help from us, you just need to watch Bersamamu on TV3.

So for this Raya, help those who are in need. Who knows, maybe someday you would need some help too.

Chances.

I was involved in a CSR programme that was organised by my workplace. As I am used to being involved with programmes like this when I was studying, I figured that I might as well lend a hand in helping my colleagues. It was a CSR programme that was held at a primary school nearby where we had some language games and book donations. While we were playing the language games with the students, some students, even the weak ones were very participative. Though they can hardly understand English, they tried their best to give the answers. Partly because we offered some prizes to entice them, I guess. But that is not the point. What the students need is motivation. Some of them see English as something that is so alien, so foreign to them that they can't seem to see themselves to be involved with it. What makes matters worse is when teachers label the students as incompetent thus demotivating the students. Some teachers need to know their students better because that is how we can motivate the students. For example, there are students who like to be praised for them to work hard. While some students prefer to be challenged for them to give their best. But when teachers do not even take their time to engage the students, that is when the problem comes. Sure, some teachers are recognised as the best teacher when they are able to help the students to get as many As as possible. But what is untold is that most of these students are already bright students, teachers do not need to do much to help these students. Meanwhile, students from the remedial classes are ignored because they do not have much hope to score as many As as their more intelligent friends. Sadly, that is the situation nowadays, those who seem to have less are ignored.

I was talking to some of my seniors colleagues when the topic of their younger days suddenly cropped out. Those were days, they said, when it was in the 80s up until the early 90s, when people don't really wear hijab, even for some of the ustazah. Both of them have almost the same story. One of them said that she was not wearing any hijab at that time but she wanted to know more about Islam. But the problem was, the Muslim bodies in her university shunned her because she was not wearing hijab at that time. As she did not have anyone to guide her, she did not wear hijab until few years later. The other one said that her friends who wear hijab also shunned her because she did not wear hijab. But one of the now-outlawed Muslim bodies (it was not outlawed at that time) accepted her and helped her to know Islam and others things related to it. They lamented how easy it was to judge people and have negative perception just because they do not conform to the same set of standards that other people have. They said it would be better to help them rather than making them feel like an outcast. Sure, it is easy to give sermons to those who always come to the mosque everyday. But what about those who do not, should they be left out? Maybe this is why some people gave up and went to other bodies in request for help as even some Muslim bodies prefer to wash their hands of difficult things and concentrate to things that are easier.

Chances. It is very easy to be said but not very easy to be given to those who need them.


Nur Kasih The Movie 2011 PPVRip 01 by daniNor15

I like this scene from Nur Kasih The Movie, watch from minute 25 onwards. It is very much related to what I'm writing today.