Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I'm content

My mother has just passed away today.

But I'm content.

Last weekend, when she was still ok, she made me my favourites, ubi rebus ikan masin for breakfast and nasi ayam for lunch.

Before I went back to KL, I had the chance to kiss her hands and she kissed me on my cheek as a reply, saying I love you in her own way.

When she was in the critical zone at the hospital, I still got the chance to ask for her forgiveness and I told her that I love her. She couldn't say anything at that time, but her eyes blinked a little bit when I talked to her. So it might be safe for me to assume that she understood whatever that I said to her.

I'm content.

Because before she passed away, we didn't have any problems, we were not in any form of argument, we were ok and I still got the chance to have my favourite dish that I don't think anyone can actually replicate right now. Something so simple yet so meaningful to me.

The day that she was taken to the hospital, I was at the hospital when I was on the phone with my niece, Zahra. I asked her if she's ok right now. She said, yes, I'm ok right now. And then she asked me, how's Nekwan (my mother)? I told her, don't worry Zahra, everything is going to be ok. Though I'm very sure now that it didn't turn out the way that I expected it to be.

If you love someone, don't leave that person with a tiny bit of anger or hatred, you do not know if that might be the last time that you're actually seeing that person. At least for me, the last meeting with my mother was of love and because of that, I'm content.

Some other posts about my mother, which I wrote much earlier.

I love you, Ibu.